Moleander

The MOLEANDER is a form for doggerel poetry that originates on the Moletrap forum.^[1] It resembles the Clerihew, from which it was devised and like the clerihew always has a person as its subject. On internet forums the subject's username is employed.

Rules:
(a) Four lines
(b) First line consists only of the NAME of the victim and an ANAGRAM thereof, with one or two other words.

Only punctuation is allowed in the anagram - i.e. no interpolated extra words or letters. By convention the name and its anagram are capitalised (though capitalisation of the anagram only is common).

Angus is in ANGUiSh - not acceptable

Angus is missing his GUANS - acceptable

PuzzledOfAkalla is A LAD, ALL POKE & FUZZ - not acceptable; the ampersand is not considered punctuation, rather a short form of "and"

PuzzledOfAkalla is A LAD, ALL POKE, FUZZ - acceptable

(c) Rhyme AABB
(d) Rhythm generally anapaestic

The second and third lines may be longer or shorter than the first two for comic effect.

(e) Moleanders always insult the subject in a humorous way.

Example (of a poster with a religious fixation)

SILVER SWORD the WORLD’S REV IS

Tried to make us over in his

Image but it didn’t take. Couldn’t shake

Our evil habits. Anyway we thought him fake.

Variations

The challenge of devising anagrams has led to variant forms of the moleander in which more than one line includes or terminates with an anagram of the name. A Perfect Moleander is one that follows all the rules and terminates each line with an anagram of the name so that the anagram is used as the rhyming element. An early example by several moletrappers was a perfect octuple moleander.

The current record is an duodecuple moleander written by forum member Duracell - three four line verses in which all lines terminate with anagrams.^[2]

HARDCASTLE in his CRADLE SHAT,

Like a dirty, smelly, CLASHED RAT,

Which left him stuck with a TALCED RASH,

That he tried to hide with LACED TRASH .

He insists on eating only LATE CHARDS,

In a misguided attempt to CHEAT LARDS.

He became obsessed with a SLATED ARCH,

Drove himself mad, and now only DATES LARCH!

Some think his appearance might HERALD SCAT,

Which helps to explain why his CAR'S HELD AT

The outskirts of town, and to a CART LASHED,

Then, under a tree covered in LAC, TRASHED!

Another variation is the short moleander. The first example of which was also posted by forum member Duracell.^[3]

EQ is Q.E.

But no D.

Cocksucker!

Motherfucker!

The record holding shortest moleander was submitted by forum member Angus.^[4] It is thought to be targeted at the 43rd president of the United States of America, George W. Bush, though this has never been officially confirmed or denied.

W:

2

X

S

Controversies

There is some controversy surrounding the pursuit of composing perfect Moleanders. The major opponents of this practice fall into two camps. On one side the purists, who argue "the technical achievement dulls the poetry". The other side concerned with the monopolization of anagrams, leaving little, if any, options for other less advanced Moleanderers.

Notes

1. ↑ the Moletrap Moleander thread
2. ↑ The very first duodecuple moleander Duracell, December 6, 2011
3. ↑ The first recorded short moleander Duracell, December 13, 2010
4. ↑ The shortest moleander Angus, December 14, 2010